Thursday, March 24, 2016

Missing Mom


So many people have offered their condolences to me after mom’s death.  They speak of my loss and the tremendous hole it leaves in my life.  

But it hasn’t been that way for me.  Maybe it’s because I have been missing mom for years.  I have especially longed for the late night talks we used to enjoy.  So, if anything, my heart is lighter since her death, because now I can finally talk to her again, and know that she is listening. In the few weeks since her death, I have talked to her when I am frustrated or angry and sometimes I feel her by my side and it calms me.  I had a sweet experience recently that left me feeling happy inside.


Mike and I were visiting Disneyland with some of our kids and grandkids. It's A Small World has always been my favorite ride, ever since my sisters and I discovered it with mom and dad while on our first Disneyland vacation many years ago. So it was more than a little delightful for me to hear my granddaughter, Ramsi Lin singing along to the song as we floated through that attraction. 

I'm not sure if it was Ramsi's singing or the magic of Disneyland, but I found myself singing along, too, at the top of my lungs. And that made me think of our nightly drives whenever I was in Lewiston. Dad usually had some country western music playing and mom would sing along, with a great deal of enthusiasm.  

She couldn't always remember what day it was or even who I was, but she could belt out every word of Johnny Cash's "I Walk the Line" or Buck Owens' "Tiger By the Tail".  

No doubt about it. Mom loved to sing. And, for just the briefest of moments, she was there with us at Disneyland, singing along with Ramsi and I.  

It felt so good.

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